Goodbye (and hello…?) to Darius Miles

Deep breath. Here goes.

My beloved Boston Celtics have just signed Darius Miles.

Miles has spent several turbulent years here in Portland with the Trail Blazers and hasn’t played in two years, so he’s supposedly on the Redemption Train (which might just get confused with the Gravy Train this year when the Cs repeat as NBA champs).

So I guess I’m going to have to get used to not seeing him around town. When I taught at Marylhurst a few years back, I saw him more than a couple times grab lunch at the Subway in Lake Oswego (the last time was just after he had his knee surgery; he slunk in sporting a scraggly beard, mirrored aviator shades and Bob Marley shirt….my best guess that spring day was that he *definitely* wasn’t on his way to practice, nor in any condition to take any sort of field test, if you catch my drift), and he’ll most certainly need to find another Genius Bar to help him color coordinate his iPhone with his Macbook:

Of course, what I won’t be able to get used to is seeing this dude anywhere near a basketball court, let alone sporting the Celtics’ green and white. I’m most passionate about the Cs but I also have a real fondness for the hometown Blazers, so I’m pretty conflicted about watching him leave my neighborhood only to wind up getting beamed right back into my home via high-def satellite TV (NBA League Pass FTW!) when the season starts back up in November.

But hey I’m gonna try to be at least a little optimistic about it: if Kevin Garnett can’t turn this KG wanna-be’s career around, pretty much no one else can.

Boston, secure your Subway and Apple stores, and get a parking space ready for this behemoth:

He’s [y]our problem now.

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2 responses to “Goodbye (and hello…?) to Darius Miles

  • caitlin Bagwell

    well, its a damn good thing I don’t follow bball. And, evidently, its a damn good thing Darius is a nice guy.
    I saw that ugly ass car in the pearl district last year on my birthday and screamed at it that it was ugly and a penis enlarger. Now, it was my birthday I was drunk. But, in my mind I only thought it, that just wasn’t reality. He heard me and slammed on the brakes. My friends all freaked. He backed up and said did I want a ride? I said sure. So, for half the night I tooled around in Darius’ car drinking beer and talking. Mostly, he was hitting on my friends but we didn’t care. That was a good night.

  • trevor

    That is the best story ever. I totally take it all back, C.

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