I’m assuming you’ve heard the news about Senator Larry Craig’s bathroom escapades in Minnesota earlier this summer, and how he plead guilty to the charges without bothering to tell you. You probably haven’t read the police report yet, though. You might want to do that.
Then again, you’re among the disgraceful number of states who have passed constitutional amendments banning gay marriage. So you probably won’t bother to read that report. That’s okay, I guess. I mean, I work in Oregon, so I understand. Actually I don’t. But that’s another letter for another time.
You should definitely read Dan Popkey’s lead story in your state’s flagship newspaper today, then. He’s been working on it for the better part of six months, and the publisher of said paper has routinely found reasons not to publish it. Until now. Go on ahead and check that out. You need to read it. Really.
I’m realistic, though, and know that you ultimately won’t bother to read these things, nor will you bother to do anything about Craig or his despicable voting record on crucial civil rights issues like gay marriage and legislation to criminalize hate crimes against gays and lesbians, this all despite the patently obvious reality that Craig is himself gay. A guest blogger on Andrew Sullivan’s site wrote passionately about this yesterday, but I know damn well you won’t read that (Gay Catholics? OMG!!!), so let’s just cut to the chase.
See, what it all comes down to is this: Craig has represented your interests fairly and fully. He has been your faithful and willing servant.
In short, you deserve each other. For reals.
Just like you deserve Bill Sali. Did you read what he said about his House colleague Keith Ellison? I’m guessing not.
And how you deserved Helen Chenoweth. Remember her remarks about canned salmon? You probably do because you thought that was funny. It’s not so funny, though, that she died in a car crash last year, and an absolute miracle (you believe in miracles still, right?) that the five month old baby she was holding in her arms survived when the two of them were thrown from a car because neither was wearing a seatbelt. Did you read that? I’m guessing not.
And how you deserved George Hansen. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one because you actually held that guy accountable. Granted, by only 170 votes. Did you read that the U.S. Supreme Court overturned his conviction way back in 1995, back when you thought Chenoweth was All That? I’m guessing not.
Need I go on?
I’m guessing not.