Dear Boston Celtics,

Congrats!  Your reward for tanking the season is the #5 draft pick in next month’s NBA draft.

No, you will not be drafting Greg Oden or Kevin Durant this year, just like you did not draft Tim Duncan when we went through this bullshit 10 years ago with Slick Rick.  Neither of them will be walking through that door.

The irony, of course, is that I’m more likely to see one of them up close and personal before you are, because The JailBlazers here in Portland and The Stupor-Sonics a couple hours north in Seattle respectively landed those #1 and #2 picks you purposely went on the skids to acquire.

Take heart, though, because I still have a #1 pick for you:

Fire Ainge.


For the love of God.



3 responses to “Dear Boston Celtics,

  • zoot

    I find I am too busy obsessively checking our blogs to get any work done.

    Is that bad?

  • trevor

    In a word? Yes.

    If it makes you feel better, though, I’m doing the same thing…

  • Ben

    Dear Middle Finger,
    You look strange to me. Actually, the whole hand kind of does. It looks like clay. You and the rest of the fingers look like something else. I’m not sure what, but you don’t look like fingers. Notice I said you look strange “to me.” You may not, in fact, look strange at all. It could be just me. I’m just saying.

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