Dear Columbia Pictures,

I’m just back from watching your $350 million opus Spider-Man 3, in which Tobey Maguire assumes a brooding persona when he is infected by the alien symbiote. When Peter Parker takes his darkest turn, the make-up and wardrobe team on the film made sure to blacken and paste Mr. Maguire’s hair and also to line his eyes in thick mascara.

I’m curious if your executive production team worked with some focusing groups to perfect Mr. Maguire’s transformation into a smarmy emo kid. What kind of feedback did you get on that? Can you share? Just a little?

With this in mind, I’m also wondering why you left My Chemical Romance off the official soundtrack. I mean, I like Snow Patrol and Yeah Yeah Yeahs just as much as the next guy, but the omission of MCR seems particularly glaring here. I hope someone got fired for that.

Take care,

T

PS: Your treatment of Venom was totally chicken-shit.  Tell Avi Arad I said so.

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