McSweeney’s is hosting Darren Cahr’s parodic table of contents of a mock user guide for Apple’s forthcoming iPhone. In addition to the conventional sections for expected tasks like making phone calls, listening to music and surfing the web, Cahr’s guide promises to explain:
IX. Using the iPhone to solve disputes between Moqtada al-Sadr and certain Sunni elements within Iraq without causing an escalation of hostilities, or the development of closer ties between Iran and Shiite militiasXVIII. Using the iPhone to learn whether superstring theory’s positing of 10 dimensions (or 11 in M-theory) is viable in light of recent discoveries relating to dark matter
XX. Using the iPhone to find love, true love, love like you’ve never dreamed of
XXI. Using the iPhone to write poetry like Paul Muldoon, except without the rock-and-roll aspect
XXIII. Using the iPhone to attain inner peace
Click here to see the full monty. Good stuff.